Here is a helpful list of Do’s and Don’ts for discussing and working on your estate plan with your family and loved ones:
Do’s:
- Plan Ahead: Before a big discussion, review your estate plan and key details you want to share with your family. Decide on the right moment to start the conversation.
- Choose the Right Setting: Find a calm, relaxed time—perhaps after dinner or during a quiet moment—to bring up the topic. Make sure the environment is comfortable and free of distractions.
- Start with Gratitude: Frame the conversation in a positive, loving way. Express your gratitude for your family and explain that you want to ensure their future is secure.
- Be Transparent: Explain the reasoning behind your decisions, especially if they involve significant inheritance choices, roles like executor or power of attorney, or guardianship of dependents.
- Keep It Casual: Start with a light discussion about the general aspects of your estate plan, avoiding too many technical details. Keep the tone conversational and open.
- Encourage Questions: Invite family members to ask questions or share concerns. This ensures everyone understands your wishes and provides clarity on key points.
- Discuss Roles Privately (if needed): If a family member is named in a specific role, such as executor or healthcare proxy, speak with them privately beforehand to avoid catching them off guard.
- Focus on Legacy, Not Just Assets: Share your intentions beyond just financial aspects—talk about your values, charitable wishes, and the legacy you want to leave behind.
- Take Notes on Feedback: Be open to input, and if it leads to any changes or updates in your estate plan, make a note to follow up with your attorney afterward.
Don’ts:
- Don’t Force the Conversation: If family members are uncomfortable or resistant, don’t push the topic. Respect their boundaries, and consider bringing it up at another time.
- Don’t Make It About Finances Only: Avoid focusing solely on who gets what. Broaden the discussion to include family values, wishes for care, and long-term goals.
- Don’t Overwhelm with Details: Don’t feel the need to cover every legal and financial detail. Focus on the big picture, and leave the fine print for later, perhaps in a more formal setting.
- Avoid Surprises: Don’t surprise your family with unexpected news, like a significant change in the will, without giving context. Transparency helps avoid hurt feelings and conflicts later on.
- Don’t Pick a Bad Moment: Avoid bringing up estate planning during tense or high-stress moments, like during meal preparation or heated family discussions.
- Don’t Neglect Younger Generations: Don’t exclude younger family members from the conversation. They may not have major roles now, but understanding the process prepares them for the future.
- Avoid Legal Jargon: Don’t overcomplicate the conversation with complex legal terms. Keep it simple, and save formal explanations for when you meet with your estate planner or lawyer.
- Don’t Get Defensive: If family members react emotionally or disagree with some of your decisions, avoid getting defensive. Stay calm and explain your reasoning patiently.
- Don’t Expect to Finalize Everything: Don’t aim to resolve every detail of your estate plan over just one conversation. Use this discussion as a starting point for ongoing conversations, not the final word.
Following these Do’s and Don’ts can help your estate planning discussion with your family and loved ones remain productive, respectful, and meaningful and helps to foster open communication and future preparedness.
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